How?

 How do you tell someone that you, let along the people closest to you that you're not happy??? Like legit go through days where you don't know if you want to laugh or cry or scream.  I get so angry so fast and then I just want to cry but I cant say anything to anyone because the way my brain is wired I think the worst of everything and I think that if I we're to say something to someone they would just brush it off or not believe me. Like I've said in a few other of my posts, I cant even get excited for Christmas and thats like my one thing yearly that I look forward to ALL year. Maybe its this fucking covid shit that makes it worse this year. Not going to work, not being able to go out cant live a normal life and do normal things. I don't even feel I can tell my boyfriend how unhappy I am....he just blows everything off like its nothing...every serious conversation I have tried to have with him goes no where. He doesn't want to talk about serious things... we don't even have an actual anniversary date... we had some things going on when we started dating so we never had an official date that we can say we started dating on this date...so I tried asking him about it..saying since thats the case we could kind of pick one so I asked his opinion. Like I do on just about everything because I feel that we are in this together that we should both be making tve decisions, and his response was as usual that he didn't know whatever I wanted and went back to watching tv. Like seriously dude! This shit happens to be important to ME! In that moment it made me feel like complete shit and put the thought in my head that maybe he didn't really care about me or us like I do. This not being able to go anywhere or do anything can go to hell...not that we could anyways because me being laid off I am only bringing in so much and that covers my main bills and my Scentsy pay has now taken over paying for our cable bill, leaves him paying for everything so we don't have extra money to do anything, but we can't even make it through a show together without him falling asleep on the couch. Most days he goes to work, comes home, I make dinner (somedays he does) we eat and then he goes to sleep. And most days he's off work and home about 330. So that leaves us time to spend together and instead hes sleeping. Like I ligit do not know what to do. How do I talk to people about this? I have MAJOR issues talking to people and it takes a lot of courage for me to be able to bring up a major conversation. It takes days of me stewing over the situation and fighting with myself and going over all different outcomes that could potentially play out for me to finally just spill it and ever right before I decide to say anything my brain is still going nuts and my heart rate sky rockets, I avoid eye contact and feel like I cant find the words to make it make sense to the othet person and for it to not sound stupid or ridiculous when it finally comes out.