So dont get me wrong, I ABSOLUTELY love Christmas, however with the way things are currently going, I have honeslty considered taking my tree down, I had the thought when I was putting it up, and while I was decorating it Alone...since my boyfriend said he would help me and low and behold did not...I mean I get that some guys dont get into the whole tree decorating thing but I want to share the joy in decorating with him, I had asked him back before the tree was even up if he was going to help me decorate it this year, since he didnt help last year, which right there should have been my indication that I was probably never going to get his help in decorating, but this time I got the response "sure I'll help you!" Ohh that response made me so excited to put the tree up!! The joys of decaorating a tree with a loved one just puts a smile on my face and seems I dont decorate a tree with my mom anymore since I dont live at home it just made sense. Fast forward to maybe 2 weeks ago...I FINALLY got him to put up the lights outside (with a little help from our wonderful neighbor)  but we are not done...I just got more to finish the upstairs half of the house lol but thats not the point lol. So we came back inside and I thought that this would be a great time to finish the tree...I had put 3 ornaments on it when i put the lights on it...so I got all excited and said "ok babe, lets get this tree finished" and I turned around to look where he was...he had taken off his shoes and sat down on the couch and just picked up the tv remote... the response I got pretty much broke my heart... "I'm not helping you decorate, I dont want to and I dont know why you asked me to". Like seriously I dont ask much and this year has been a little difficult so you would think that asking him to decorate wasnt the worst thing in the world...like spending 20 maybe 30 minutes helping me isnt askin a lot of you, but instead, just like last year...wrestaling was way more important. I hold everything in as it is, so I cant tell him how hurt it made me. What good would it do honestly anyways, it's not like when i try telling him whats wrong that he actually listens anyways...Im unfortunelty the type of person who needs reassurance on things, it could be a number of things at random times, like we could be having a conversation and I make a comment and hope for some reassurance in return that everything is ok...like for example the one day we were talking about one of his exs, and I made a comment about worrying about him wanting to work things out with her so he could be closer to his son, hoping maybe hed give me some reassurance that it was me and not her that he wanted to be with and I got nothing. Maybe i'm just asking too much from a guy?? And don't give me the whole "He's with you isn't he?" That doesnt always mean shit, that could just be a "well she'll take me so I guess I'll settle for that for now" type thing. But as usual that could just be a me thing...my brain makes a mess out of lots of things. I tend, no my brain tends to make mole hills out of ant hills I guess you could say on most things, I could turn most happy things gloomy, I guess thats what my life has done to me... everyone is always telling me to think positive but as I get older the harder for me that is to do. I tend to try to get myself in the mindset of thinking positive and then something happens and bam there goes that happy thought...i think it may stem from my childhood...no sooner then i would begin thinking that maybe some good would come of the situation and begin to thinkin positve thoughts about it something would happen to knock me back into reality where it wasnt all sunshine and roses. I didnt have the best childhood, I mean it wasnt horrible in the sense of I grew up in a foster home and had to wear potatoe sacks to go to church kinda thing...and please dont think im making fun of orphanges or anything of the sort because thats the farthest from the truth. But in the sense of I was the oldest of 2 kids, living in a single parent home where my mom worked sometimes 2 jobs to make ends meet, so many times i was the caretaker of my not so nice (easiest word to use I guess) brother while my mom was at work. Let's put it this way, I dealt with a bunch of shit fom him while my mom was working...the usual brother/sister arguing, name calling and all that included...we shared a room because that was all my mom could afford was 2 bedrooms most of the time..at one time we shared a one bedroom while my mom had a corner of the living room that she had a bed in, so i didnt have much room to hide things...like money...my brother had friends over and they would steal my cds and break them or they would steal my money i had hidden. I was told numerous times that I was not his mother so he didnt have to listen to anything I said and that he could do what he wanted. I was simply repeating what our mom had told us before leaving for work..the usual...do homework, no going to friends houses or having friends over while she wasnt home. I had apparently kept him from doing things one too many times because the next thing I know he is coming into the kitchen with a metal baseball bat that my mother kept in her room for protection should she need it. He chased me through the house swinging the bat at me, im thankful he was never able to actually hit me though, I was able to make my way into the bathroom with the phone and lock myself in and call my mom, fortunlety she just worked up the road at that time and was able to come right home, almost loosing her job in the proccess for leaving though. My brother was never appreciative of anything while we were growing up but thats for another day, as usual my brain has wandered and this is where it has ended up.